


now, and now, and now.

by lamourestout



Category: SKAM (France)
Genre: Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-10
Updated: 2020-01-10
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:21:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,071
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22198504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lamourestout/pseuds/lamourestout
Summary: eliott and lucas moved into their new apartment on the first day of 2020.
Relationships: Eliott Demaury/Lucas Lallemant
Comments: 11
Kudos: 253





	now, and now, and now.

Eliott’s parents finally leave. There’s a charge of anticipation, as they finally, finally leave, as Eliott escorts his parents to the door, helping his mom with her jacket in hopes they’ll get going  _ quicker _ . He promises again and again that he, that  _ they’ll _ be  **fine** . They don’t need any more food, they don’t need anymore help for tonight, they don’t need  _ help  _ making the bed,  _ mamma, it’s already made, you did that hours ago _ . 

Because they will be fine. 

They’re so fine. 

The door  _ finally  _ closes and leaves them in relative silence, especially after hours of his mother’s advice. Which he doesn’t hate. But right now, he’s glad it’s done. He’s ready for the quiet that comes with just him and Lucas. 

The door closes, and he falls back against it, to grin widely at Lucas, who’s standing a few feet away, looking just as grateful that everyone else is finally gone. 

Eliott is quick to go to Lucas, wrapping his arms around him and spinning him around in a tight hug. Lucas lets out a little squeal at the suddenness, and it’s absolutely the most beautiful sound, ever. 

Everything about Lucas is the most beautiful. 

He spins Lucas around in their new apartment, where they’re going to live, together. Just the two of them. Just the two of them. 

He sets Lucas down, which he’s sure Lucas is grateful for, but that doesn’t stop the hug, because he’s suddenly feeling like he can’t  _ dare  _ let go of Lucas. He never has to stop touching him, now. This is their place, it’s all them, and he gets to be close to Lucas, always, now. 

Lucas’ arms are tight around him, and for a minute, that’s how they stand. Arms around each other, tightly holding each other, in the entryway of their home. 

“What do you want to christen, first?” Lucas asks, voice soft in Eliott’s ear. There’s a definite implication, there and it makes Eliott laugh, burying his face against Lucas’ neck. “What’s so funny? This is a serious question.” But Lucas’ voice is on the verge of breaking into laughter. 

Eliott presses a kiss against Lucas’ neck, and it makes Lucas’ breath hitch just slightly. Then, he pulls back, and lets his hands rest on Lucas’ waist. 

“The stove.” Eliott answers, and Lucas’ face scrunches up. 

“You want to have sex on the stove?” Lucas asks. And Eliott’s laughing again. He keeps laughing, because he’s so fucking happy, he can’t do anything else. 

“No, I want to cook dinner.” Eliott tells Lucas, and Lucas’ face softens. 

“Dinner?” He says, quietly. 

“Yeah. Our first meal in our own place, that isn’t cooked by my mom.” Eliott says, and he sways a little. 

A mimic of slow dancing. 

“Okay.” Lucas agrees. Eliott could stare at him forever; the way the afternoon, January sun slants in through the windows and hits his face, highlights his hair. The way his chin tilts up to look Eliott in the eye, and how it always makes his lips part a little. 

He is the most beautiful person that Eliott has ever seen. 

“As long as you have a recipe.” Lucas adds, and his lips are a bright smile, “I only eat meals that are made from a recipe.” Eliott makes a face at him, and Lucas just smiles brighter. 

“Okay.” Eliott agrees. 

Somehow, they make dinner without burning anything. Without getting too distracted by each other and their newfound  _ complete being alone-ness _ . Lucas still sits on the counter and watches as Eliott cooks, and Eliott still finds time to slot himself between Lucas’ thighs and kiss him. 

Kiss him with the promise of  _ more, more, more  _ when they go to bed, later. 

And it is,  _ more, more, more  _ when they go to bed. 

When Eliott wakes up, in the early-morning hours, the bed is empty beside him, and for a split second, he panics. But he lays quietly, and listens, and he hears the faint, faint sound of footsteps. Either it’s Lucas, or they’ve been robbed on their first night here. He assumes it’s Lucas, as he slides his legs out into the chilly night air, and grabs his zip-up hoodie from the chair, pulling it on as he’s heading out into the other part of the apartment. He’s careful to keep his footsteps quiet, because he kind of wants to see what Lucas is doing, without interruption.

Carefully, he leans against the wall, and watches.

Lucas, as he slides his hand over the windowsill, and touches their curtains lightly, sliding his hand down the fabric. As he traces over the almost-empty bookshelf, because Eliott has to move his books here, still. Traces over the tv-stand.

“Can’t sleep?” Eliott says, quietly, and Lucas startles, turning quickly and almost hitting his hip against the stand.

“What are --” Lucas clears his throat. “Did I wake you?” Eliott steps into the room, shaking his head. 

“No.” Lucas seems to relax a little. “Why can’t you sleep?” 

“I was thinking.” Lucas starts, and he’s moving towards Eliott; this always happens when they’re in the same room. They gravitate towards each other, they gravitate towards each other’s touch and presence. 

“About…?” Eliott is close enough, now, that he can touch Lucas’ waist, and he does so.

“Us.” Lucas’ hands find his chest, resting there for a moment. “How this is ours.” He turns a bit, gesturing vaguely towards the whole apartment, before turning back to Eliott. “This is  _ ours _ . Us. Together. And it felt a bit like a dream, and so I had to -- make sure it was all here.” His hands slide up to wrap his arms around Eliott’s neck, and it moves them a bit closer. 

“It is ours.” Eliott says, quietly. He’s a bit in disbelief, as well. He wraps his arms closer around Lucas’ waist. “Ours.” Lucas nods.

“Ours.” He repeats. “It’s all here. It’s not a dream.” He still seems in awe, and Eliott is in awe, and this is  _ their place _ . Their kitchen, their living room, their bedroom, their bed, their closet. 

“It’ll be even  _ more  _ ours when I get the rest of my stuff. And --” Eliott hesitates, slightly, “-- when you get all your stuff.” Because … Lucas still has stuff at his mom’s. But they haven’t ventured over there, yet, to get things. He’s not sure why, yet, but he hasn’t pried. He knows they will, but he also knows that while things are getting better with Lucas’ mom, they’re not  _ perfect _ , and it stresses Lucas to go home, sometimes. So, they’re working on it. Lucas’ things from his childhood bedroom will slowly trickle into their home  _ together _ .

“I can’t wait to move all your books.” Lucas says. 

“Really? Then you can carry all the boxes up the stairs.” Eliott teases, and Lucas’ eyes roll. 

“But you’re so strong…” Lucas murmurs, pushing up on his tiptoes a bit, “You don’t need my help with it.” Eliott chuckles. “You just about carried the mattress yourself, it was so hot.” 

“Yeah?” Eliott pulls him closer, and Lucas nods. They’re close enough, now, that despite the darkness, he can see how Lucas’ eyes are lidded, how his lips stay a little open after he finishes speaking. Lucas nods.

“Super hot.” Lucas murmurs. And then he’s dragging Eliott in, to kiss him deeply. He pulls Eliott’s head down so he can fall back onto the flats of his feet, and Eliott is the one that has to duck his head down to kiss him. 

They kiss in the darkness of the middle of the night in the living room of their new apartment. 

It’s  _ perfect _ . 

And Lucas murmurs, “Take me back to bed,” against Eliott’s lips. 

Eliott does. Their few clothes are discarded quickly, as they go back to bed, lips desperately gently pushed together. Their heads find their pillows, they fall on their sides, and wrap themselves up in each other. He teases Lucas, just a little, by pulling back as Lucas shifts slightly to kiss him again, and Lucas chases his lips, and Eliott is able to pull him closer. 

Lucas makes a small sound of protest, and his hand tightens in Eliott’s hair to keep him where he is, so Lucas can push his tongue into Eliott’s mouth. 

It makes Eliott sigh, and wrap his leg around Lucas more. 

And he pulls back, and his hand resting on Lucas’ face keeps him from closing the gap. He just wants to look. Lucas doesn’t open his eyes, just lets his eyelashes flutter a little, his lips stay open, ready for Eliott to kiss him again. Almost as if he  _ knows  _ how much Eliott likes looking at him when he looks like that. How it makes Eliott’s heart flutter and his hands itch to draw and draw and draw until he has the perfect likeness. He lightly traces over the side of Lucas’ face. It makes Lucas draw in an unsteady breath, and his eyelashes flutter again. 

“I love you.” He says it all the time, but that doesn’t change how much his heart speeds up when he says it, when he  _ thinks  _ it. Doesn’t change how his hands shake, sometimes, because of how  _ much  _ he feels for Lucas. 

“Yeah?” Lucas teases lightly, “That’s good. Nice.” His eyes stay closed, and he speaks gently, “Because, I love  _ you _ .” He does this, sometimes, teases when he says  _ I love you _ , because it’s easier to say; it’s easier for Lucas, who feels so much but doesn’t always want to show it, to say it a little teasingly. Because they both know how deeply he means it. 

This is his way of saying,  _ I love you, and I don’t know how I would deal if you didn’t love me back _ . 

Eliott kisses him again, and Lucas responds beautifully, hand sliding down Eliott’s body to pull at his waist and drag him closer, and pull Eliott partially on top of him. 

It’s three in the morning, and they really should be sleeping, especially considering both of them have had their fair share of  _ sleepless nights _ , and Eliott has work tomorrow, but -- Eliott is certainly not going to  _ stop  _ kissing his boyfriend. 

His wonderful, beautiful, kind, awed,  _ boyfriend _ . 

Lucas tugs at him, more, and he’s rolling on top of Lucas, who lets out a contented sigh between their kisses. He kisses Lucas, and then he pulls back; Lucas lifts his chin to follow, but Eliott breathes out a laugh, and finds the side of Lucas’ jaw. Lucas understands, pushing his head back, opening up the skin of his neck, and his leg flexes, stretching out as he lets out a small whimper when Eliott kisses his neck. 

“Eli--” Lucas breathes out, and Eliott nips at his neck lightly, causing his hands to tighten in Eliott’s hair, on his waist. “Baby --” He arches up towards Eliott and sighs. Lucas pulls him closer, to where nearly all of Eliott’s weight rests against him, and Eliott isn’t  _ worried _ , but he’s careful to not crush him. Lucas’ hand pulls him closer, and Eliott forgoes kissing Lucas’ neck, for just burying his face against his skin. 

They fall asleep soon after, wrapped up in each other. 

And Eliott’s alarm wakes them up, Lucas grumbling and starting to get up before he’s even fully awake, almost on autopilot, but Eliott shushes him, pushes him back down against the bed, and Lucas’ eyes fly open; lips falling open and his eyes are tired but interested.

“Shush, it’s not like that.” Eliott speaks quietly. He gently smoothes over Lucas’ hair, “I gotta get up, but you don’t.” Lucas smirks, and lets his eyes fall back closed. He re-settles himself down, makes a little sound of contentment, and sighs. “Do you want me to make enough coffee for you, too?” Eliott asks, sitting up and scrounging for boxers. 

“Don’t know.” Lucas mutters. “No.” He settles on after a moment, “I’m sleeping all day.” Lucas decides, and Eliott chuckles. 

“Alright, sounds like a good idea.” He’s finding his hoodie and pulling on socks, because the floors are cold. “I’m going to go eat, but I’ll be back before I leave.” He leans over and presses a kiss against Lucas’ forehead. Lucas smiles. “Love you.” He murmurs. Lucas nods. Eliott lets his hand ruffle Lucas’ hair again, before he’s leaving the bedroom, to go make himself coffee, find  _ something  _ to eat in their mess of half-filled cupboards and fridge. 

He sits and messes with his phone and has coffee and cereal. He longs for next week, even if he’s trying to just live in the moment, because next week, the two of them will wake up and have coffee and breakfast together. Go to the bus together, and go to school. 

He finishes his food, the coffee, and rinses his dishes out, because he’s going to wait at least a couple days before he starts to let dishes pile up in the sink. 

Brushes his teeth, washes his face, takes his meds, and manages to tame his hair a little. When he goes into the bedroom, Lucas seems to have drifted off again; he’s grabbed Eliott’s pillow, and has his arms wrapped around it, face pressed against it, as if he’s using it as a substitute for Eliott. He spends a minute watching him, and he looks to be asleep again, so Eliott is careful to be quiet as he moves around to pull on his jeans and a shirt, push his shoes on and find his wallet and keys without jangling them too much. 

He takes another look at Lucas, and all he wants to do is stay here, with him. Lucas shifts a bit in his sleep, and it makes Eliott smile. He pulls the covers over Lucas’ shoulder, slightly tucks him in, and Lucas is roused a little, a barely annunciated, “El?” that’s accompanied by a small scrunch of his face. 

“Shh, baby.” Eliott murmurs, and presses a kiss against the side of his head. “Sleep. I’m leaving, now. I’ll be back later. Love you. And I’ll miss you.” 

“ _ Ah, ouais _ ?” Lucas manages, and Eliott nods a little, letting his nose brush over the side of Lucas’ face. 

“So much.” Eliott murmurs, and kisses the side of his face again, “Sleep, I’ll text you later.” He whispers, and Lucas nods minutely. He kisses his face once more, and then he’s moving away. He has to go or he’ll be late, soon. “I love you.” He says again, because he has to. He says it in everything he says and everything he does. 

“Love you.” Lucas mumbles, and re-settles into the pillows and covers, and Eliott suspects he’ll be back asleep before he even gets down to the street. 

_ I’m cooking in just my underwear, too bad you’re not here. :(  _

Lucas sends him texts like this and he  _ wonders  _ why Eliott doesn’t want to go to work. He almost asks Lucas to send a pic, but he would get in trouble, because he’d have to go take a break. 

_ Tease _ . 

He puts his phone back in his pocket, but it buzzes soon after, and he does whatever he can to not look, not look, not look. He barely lasts fifteen minutes, before he’s pulling it out again.

_ What do you want for supper? And when are you going to be home?  _

**Home** . 

He bites the inside of his cheek, and does everything he can to not grin wildly at his phone.

**Home. Home. Home. Home. Home.**

_ Not sure exactly, I’ll text you when I leave _ . 

_ I’m hungry for anything you make <3 <3 <3 <3 <3  _

His hope for the rest of the day: speedrun cinema shop shift. He wants to go home. To Lucas. He wants to make supper with him and eat in front of their TV, and kiss him and hold him and stare at him. 

_ Not very helpful :(  _

Eliott chuckles under his breath, without meaning to.

_ Surprise me.  _

And his phone goes away. He manages to ignore it for a couple hours, and the relatively steady, albeit slow, stream of customers helps with it. 

He checks his phone on the way to the bus stop after.

_ Had lunch. Going to Mama’s in a few to grab a few of my things. I’ll tell her ‘hi’ from you.  _

_ Got my stuff.  _

_ Hope you’re having fun at work _ .

This last one, accompanied by a long string of emojis that include the film camera, the clapper board, and about 10 hearts. 

_ I might go grab a few things from the corner store, also _ . 

_ I’m at the corner store.  _

_ I am leaving the corner store, writing this with one hand. _

_ Got everything into the fridge, hope you’re ready for some fucking amazing supper.  _

_ Miss you.  _

_ Come homeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee i miss you :(  _

Eliott laughs to himself, and he just -- he loves Lucas so much. 

_ Just getting to the bus stop, be home soon. _ He tells Lucas, complete with about ten heart emojis of himself. And quickly,  _ Thank you for sharing your day with me, I love it _ . 

He’s getting on the bus when Lucas texts him back.  _ You’re coming home!!!!!!!!! I can’t wait to see you.  _

He hopes they never, ever grow out of this. The missing. The  _ wanting  _ to see each other. The being excited and the sharing and all of it. He doesn’t want to lose it, and he fears it a little. He tries to tell himself not to think about it. 

_ I can’t wait to see you, either. Missed you, mon amour _ . 

Lucas jumps him when he gets home, wrapping his arms around him before Eliott can even get the door closed, or take his jacket off, and he’s halfway to pulling Eliott to the floor so he can hold him. Eliott laughs, and he’s so fucking happy, and he manages to get the door closed  _ and  _ hold Lucas tight at the same time. 

“I missed you.” Lucas breathes against his neck, and Eliott holds him tightly. 

“I missed  _ you _ .” Eliott replies. 

He pulls back after a couple minutes, and he tilts his head, bends down a little, and catches Lucas’ lips in a kiss. Lucas kisses him back fiercely, pulling him close and pushing against him. 

They kiss in the entryway, and Eliott still has his jacket on, and his keys in one hand. 

He breaks apart their lips, and Lucas makes a small sound, but Eliott rests their foreheads together, and he murmurs, “Did you have a good day?” 

Lucas hesitates.

“It was weird.” He says quietly, almost as if he thinks he’s not supposed to say that. Eliott prompts him to explain, with a small sound. “I guess -- I’m used to being independent, I suppose, but there were always people around. Mama might not have been great, but she was always in the house, and Mika or Lisa or Manon were often in the flatshare when I was, and so --” He shrugs, and he shifts his head a little, looking away from Eliott, “It was weird, being alone.” Eliott kisses his forehead, kisses his temple, and murmurs a light, 

“It’s okay.” 

“And I know that I -- like, it’s not that I don’t like this, or like having our own place, but I like it better when you’re here.” Lucas confesses. “I really, really fucking love this, us living together, don’t get me wrong, I promise, it was just really quiet, without you here, and it was weird.” Lucas says, and he finds the crook of Eliott’s neck again, pressing his face against his skin. 

Eliott presses his face against Lucas’ hair, presses kisses against it. 

“It’s okay, you can think it was weird. I’m going to hate it when you’re in class and I’m not, I know it already.” He says, and Lucas chuckles lightly. “But, the good thing is, it’s 2020, you know? We can text each other all the time.” Lucas nods. 

They stay there a moment, and then Lucas jerks away. Eliott makes a face.

“I forgot! I’m cooking!” Lucas’ face breaks into a wide smile, “I can’t let it burn.” He breaks out of Eliott’s arms, and hurries back to the kitchen. 

Eliott is so in love with him. 

He kicks his shoes off, and puts his keys in the pocket of his jacket, before hanging that up, and he’s going to Lucas in the kitchen. 

He has a couple pans out, and a cookbook and things all over the place, but he seems to have it under control, and Eliott is fully impressed. 

“What are you making?” Eliott asks, moving to reach into the fridge to find water. 

“Chicken. And lemon pasta. And there’s like parmesan and tomatoes and -- yeah.” Lucas looks a little nervous, as he looks over towards Eliott.

“Oh, that sounds fucking great.” Eliott tells him, and Lucas loses that little bit of nervousness. “It smells fantastic, oh my god.” He moves closer, peering over Lucas’ shoulders at the pans, and takes a deep breath in. “Yeah, I can’t wait.” Presses a quick kiss to Lucas’ hair, before moving away so he doesn’t distract Lucas. 

“Thanks.” Lucas murmurs, as he’s checking the chicken. Eliott takes a long drink from the waterbottle, and Lucas says, “You said surprise you, but -- I didn’t want to do anything too outlandish, and so Mama used to make this when I was little, and I was over there today, so I was thinking, and so -- yeah.” Lucas doesn’t turn towards him when he speaks, but he shrugs. 

“I’m very excited to eat it.” Eliott tells him. 

“I used to hate tomatoes. When I was a kid, I fucking  _ hated  _ them.” Eliott listens to him speak, while keeping his back to him, and Eliott doesn’t know why he’s so,  _ so  _ intently focused on the food, because Eliott never focuses this much when he cooks. He’s always turning around and talking to Lucas and moving around.

“Tomatoes… no kid likes them. They’re good, though.” Lucas nods, and his hair bounces a little. 

“Yeah.” Lucas says, and then, “I made this at the coloc, for Manon and Mika and Lisa.” He says, then, and he just keeps stirring the pasta, and it doesn’t need to be stirred that much. Eliott doesn’t know what to say. He just stands there, and wraps his hands around the water bottle, and bites his lip as he resists the urge to ruin all of Lucas’ cooking attempts, by wrapping his arms around him and pulling him away, look him in the eye and say  _ are you okay?  _

“Did they like it?” Is what he asks.

“I think so. Manon cooks fancier things. Especially when she’s stressed out or worried or -- when shit was going down with Charles.” He shrugs, and keeps stirring the fucking pasta. 

Eliott sips more water, and he leans back against the table, and he bounces his leg a little. A few minutes pass, and Lucas moves between his things to check the food. He even reaches up to grab a couple plates from the cabinet. Eliott is sure Lucas knows that his eyes are on Lucas’s back, at the way his shirt stretches over his back, the small bit of skin that shows when his shirt rides up. 

“You are okay, right? I mean, I can always take a couple days off, and we can get everything sorted here, so that it’s not -- so that you -- you’re okay.” Eliott says quickly, and the plates are set down a little heavier than he thinks Lucas meant.

“I’m fine.” Lucas says, and he’s unstacking the plates. “Really, I am. I promise.” He still hasn’t looked back around at Eliott. Stirring that  _ fucking pasta _ again. Eliott is beginning to hate that pasta, because Lucas is paying more attention to the pasta than he is to  _ him _ . 

“It’s okay, if you’re not.” Eliott says, “It’s a big change, it’s okay if we need time to adjust.” Lucas is serving the food now, steaming hot onto the plates. 

“I’m fine.” Lucas says again, finding a spatula to carefully plate the chicken breasts. He turns the burners off, and moves the pans off, and finds forks and knives. “Seriously, I’m fine.” He turns around, finally, with plates of steaming food. He bites his lip, and looks nervously at Eliott. 

“Okay.” Eliott relents, and he moves to sit in one of the chairs. Lucas sets down a plate in front of him, sets it down in front of himself, and sits down. Eliott hooks his foot around Lucas’ ankle and Lucas’ face seems less worried, more himself, more gentle and calm and  _ okay _ . 

They start eating. 

“I am fine, really. And I promise I’m not just saying that.” Lucas says, “Today was just weird, I don’t know how else to say it, yeah?” Eliott nods. 

“Well, we like weird, don’t we?” He meets Lucas’ eyes, and raises his eyebrows a little, a quick  _ remember?  _ To their first inside joke. 

“We like the good weird. This is --” Lucas bites his lip, and he swirls the pasta around on his plate. He falls silent.

“‘ _ Remember, remember, this is now, and now, and now. Live it, feel it, cling to it. I want to become acutely aware of all I’ve taken for granted. _ ’” Eliott quotes. Lucas looks up at him, movements slow, and his mouth falls open a little. 

“Who’s that?” He asks, almost a whisper.

“Sylvia Plath.” Eliott replies. “In a letter she wrote, I forget which one.” He feels like he has to speak quietly, also. “I thought it fit. With our taking things minute by minute. _ Now, and now, and now _ .” He chews his lip, and Lucas sets his fork down. 

Everything has settled quietly, as it always does when he quotes something, someone. He has so many things racing around in his mind. 

“I like it.  _ Now, and now, and now _ .” Lucas repeats. Eliott nods. 

Now, and now, and now, as they clean up, after they eat and Eliott compliments Lucas every other bite, because it is  _ so  _ good, and as they wash dishes, and dry them, and put them away. 

Now, and now, and now, as Lucas throws his shirt into the room, and pushes at Eliott’s shirt, and Eliott is easily obliging in Lucas’ wish for him to discard his clothes. 

Now, and now, and now, as Eliott straddles Lucas’ hips, covered in his soft, worn sweatpants, Eliott’s legs straining a little against his jeans, at his knees, at the length of his thighs, but he just wants to be close to Lucas, now.

“By the way, I’m serious.” Eliott says, leaning over Lucas, as Lucas grabs at him, pulls him close. Lucas makes a confused face. “If I need to amend my schedule at work, just so we get adjusted to living here, I can totally do that. It’s not an issue.” He traces over the line of Lucas’ hair, fingers dipping a little into Lucas’ wild mess of hair. 

“I’m fine, seriously.” Lucas says again, “I just got a little --” Lucas rolls his head to the side, just a little, “-- lonely, maybe? It was just really quiet, and I guess I didn’t expect that. And I missed you more than I thought I would, because your stuff was everywhere, and you always had a few of your things in my room at the coloc, but this was different. So, I just got lonely, I suppose. I’m fine, though. Really.” Lucas talks a little quickly, and Eliott keeps his attention fully on him, and he’s genuinely not focused on anything else, other than making sure Lucas is  _ truly  _ okay about this whole situation. 

“I might amend it, anyway.” Eliott says, and Lucas’ face shifts into almost hurt, as if Eliott somehow doesn’t believe him. “Not necessarily because you need it, but -- so I get used to it, you know? Go slow, and sort of ease into all these new things.” Lucas’ face evens out. “They’re good things, but you know, sometimes we have to take it easy. Especially with classes next week.” Eliott says, and Lucas’ hands are gentle where they rest on Eliott’s hips, right above the waistband of his jeans. His thumbs slide over Eliott’s skin. 

Lucas’ eyes trace over Eliott’s face. 

“I’m fine, Lu.” He says, and Lucas nods, as best as he can with his head resting on the pillow. “Maybe I just want to stay here, with you.” This makes Lucas’ face break into a wide smile.

“Ah,  _ ouais _ ?” He says, and Eliott simply  _ has  _ to kiss him, and he knows that Lucas knows. He leans down and kisses Lucas into the pillow. 

They kiss until they’ve shifted, arms and legs pulling at each other until there’s barely inches between them, and they can do this all night without worrying about interruptions. 

It’s the most  _ wonderful  _ feeling. 

Uninhibited love. 

They can make out, wrapped up in each other, with the bedroom door open. 

“I want to stay here, with you, always, Lucas. Always _. _ ” Eliott pulls back enough to breath his words against Lucas’ lips, and it makes Lucas breathe out a little, 

“Okay.” Because, they both know that they would stay here, wrapped up in each other, forever and ever, if they could. 

“‘ _ I see you everywhere, in the stars, in the river, to me you’re everything that exists; the reality of everything _ .’” Eliott breathes out, later on, after they’ve slowed their kisses, and Eliott sits over his lap, tracing his fingers over all of Lucas’ skin, the structure of his face. 

“Is that Virginia, again?” Lucas murmurs, and Eliott nods, ducking his head a little. “I always know, you know?” Lucas’ fingers trace little circles over Eliott’s bare thighs. “You get a look on your face, when you quote her. It’s unlike anything else.” Eliott falls off of Lucas, falling onto his side, and Lucas makes a sound of surprise, but this is so Eliott can wrap his arms around Lucas, pull him against his chest, and bury his face against Lucas’ hair. Lucas moves a bit, so that he’s close to Eliott, slides his arms around Eliott. “I don’t even know how to describe it, I’m not the one that’s good with words.” Lucas tells him. 

“‘ _ Life, I tell you, would be impossible without you. And now I want--’ _ ” Eliott quotes, turning his head. Sometimes words, are too much. It’s easier to use someone else’s.

“You want -- what?” Lucas breathes. 

“I --” Eliott stumbles, “That’s where the quote ends.” He almost laughs. 

“Oh.” Lucas replies.

“But, I mean, I want  _ you _ , always. Only. Always and only.” Eliott says.

“Okay.” Lucas agrees. One of Lucas’ hands finds the side of Eliott’s face instead of his back, pulls him back a little, so they can look each other in the eyes. “You know I’m the happiest I’ve ever been, since we got together, right?” Eliott nods, and Lucas eyes are so sincere, so deep, so beautiful. “And I thought I couldn’t get happier, but then we started looking for a place, and then we  _ found  _ a place, and --” Lucas’ face is so bright, and he exhales shakily, “ -- I’m even happier, here. I didn’t know I could be this happy, because I thought I’d already been as happy as I ever could be, but now --” Lucas seems to lose his words for a few seconds, and Eliott unwraps one arm from around him, hand resting on Lucas’ cheek, mirroring Lucas’ hand on his own face. 

He watches as Lucas’ eyes flicker around, and then Lucas is pushing in to kiss him, hooking his leg around Eliott, keeping him close. 

“Is this how you feel? Like -- it’s so much, I feel like I’m going to explode.” Lucas whispers this, pulls back very slightly, eyes still lightly closed, almost as if he thinks he shouldn’t be asking this. 

“Sometimes.” Eliott replies, just as softly, “Do you hate it?” 

“No. I just never knew I could -- feel this way.” Lucas whispers, still, and he’s said this before.  _ I never knew I could feel this way _ .  _ I never knew I could  _ **_let_ ** _ myself feel this way _ . 

“I love you.” Eliott says, because he has to say it. Lucas’ face shifts into a soft smile. 

“I love you.” Lucas replies. “I love feeling this way. I love -- being here, and being with you and -- it’s so fucking amazing, Eli.” His hand finds its way into Eliott’s hair, fingers tangling around the strands. Eliott lets his eyes fall shut, and just revel in Lucas’ touch. In the almost ticklish feeling of Lucas’ hand light in his hair, how his thumb drags over the skin. The pressure of Lucas’ hand on his waist, and the slight pull against Eliott’s skin where Lucas’ heel digs gently into his thigh. 

They sleep early, wake up restlessly in the middle of the night, and try to get back to sleep, but they spend a good half an hour making out in order to  _ tire themselves out _ . Eventually, they do so, falling back asleep, just as tangled up in each other and their sheets, as before.

And Eliott lives in the  _ now, and now, and now, _ in the morning, when his alarm goes off, and he manages to rearrange his schedule a little bit, calling his boss in the quiet, early morning air of their kitchen. Not taking off full days, but working back up to full days, intermittent with his classes. 

Because he’s not  _ worried _ , per se, about Lucas, but Lucas sitting here, all alone, for a few more days before the busyness of school starts up again, reminds him of himself. Sitting around, wandering around an empty apartment, trapped in his own thoughts of loneliness and missing and wishing. He’s not worried, about Lucas, he just doesn’t want Lucas to feel that  _ weird  _ feeling, the bad weird. 

Because this whole thing, them living together, is one of the best things Eliott has ever decided to do, he knows this, and he’s  _ known  _ this, but that doesn’t change the fact that they’re going to need this adjustment period, and yesterday showed that. Lucas’ desperate hug when Eliott got home, his quietness and awkward conversation when he was finishing cooking. Like he was more lonely than he would have told Eliott. 

(A moment, as Eliott stands in the kitchen, bare feet getting colder by the second against the wooden floors, and his phone hanging in his hand, he’s reminded of Lucas’ tears, months and months and months ago, at the bus stop. Just before the first  _ je t’aime _ . Lucas’ fears that Eliott wouldn’t come back. Lucas has gotten better at that, at not fearing Eliott’s disappearance, but -- it’s not  _ gone _ . Eliott goes back to him, now.) 

He jumps onto the bed, half on top of Lucas, who wakes, dazed and confused, at the sudden weight and bounce of the mattress. 

“Good morning.” Eliott says, maybe a little too loud and excited for how early it is. “Good morning!” He draws the words out and presses kisses to Lucas’ face, scrunched up and adorable. 

“What the fuck is wrong with you, the sun isn’t even up.” Lucas grumbles, somehow managing to extract his arms from under the sheets, reaching to grab at Eliott and pull him down onto the bed. Eliott goes easily, still half on top of Lucas. “Good morning, baby.” Lucas murmurs, eyes half-open. “Don’t you have to get ready?” He asks.

“I’m going in after noon. We have lots we have to do here, and I don’t want to be carrying shit up next week. I want it all to be done before school starts up again.” Eliott says, and Lucas chuckles.

“You’re really good at pretending I will carry  _ anything  _ up the stairs before like … mid-to-late afternoon.” Lucas mutters. Lucas’ eyes open a little more as Eliott hums, pulls back a little to fix him with a stare.

“Not even for my beautiful face?” Lucas lets out a laugh, and a little rise of his eyebrows, before he’s replying, 

“Okay, maybe. But I need coffee, first.” Lucas settles, and Eliott smiles widely, leaning down to kiss him. 

And they live in the  _ now, and now, and now _ , as one of the boxes of Eliott’s books breaks open on the bottom, sending a whole slew of them crashing against the stairs, toppling over each other to land on each and every step. It takes them way too long to gather them all, because they collapse into laughter, falling against the stairs. 

_ Now _ , and  _ now _ , and  _ now _ . 

**Author's Note:**

> im on tumblr @evenbchnsheim


End file.
